i smell like a hippy

As promised:

A Tale of a Girl. And Her Spider.

or,

A Tale of How I Came to Rethink Karmic Retribution

A couple days before we moved I got bit on my butt cheek. At the time I thought it was a feather (I felt it as I got out of bed one morning). Didn't think anything of it - who gets bit by a spider? what does that actually mean? how bad could it be? As time went by, it started itching a little more, the skin felt warm to touch, it kinda hurt, and if I was a little buzzed I thought it was interesting enough to show to my friends (they didn't think it was. sorry Jess).

Fast forward to Western Montana. It'd been bugging me for days and I already knew it was something more serious than a bad misquito, or misplaced hicky, or whatever. It hurt to sleep on, to sit on, to walk. Despite this, I couldn't bring myself to pay $8 for a mini tube of Triple Antibiotic Ointment. Nor could I bring myself to ask my fellow travelers to unpack the U-Haul just to find my first aid supplies. Note to cross-country movers: keep the medicine handy.

Where's Catherine?

So, we're cruising along and decide we've hit a pretty great opportunity for a photo shoot. We pull over. I get out of the car. I feel it pop. I can barely walk. I can feel "it" running down my leg. T-ray mentions he has a mini-first aid kit with him. I take a look. Nasty. I bandage up. The photo was amazing. Enough said.

I suffered through the bite, throughout the drive. The bite eventually decreased in size - but not in pain, and not in the amount of fluid it wanted to release. The moment we got into our apartment I got out my medical stuff and started treating it best I could. Then, I had an allergic reaction to the plastic on the band-aid (Susan insists they were subsequent spider bite reactions). Either way, I now had a cute little compass-shape of zit-like bumps allllllllll over my butt. And they itched. Any they hurt. And they kept popping. Whatev. I like to think I'm tough. I started every day with a cocktail of Allegra, hydrocortisone, calamine, triple-antibiotic, etc. Bring it bitch.

Until I tried to walk around and find a job. I - three times - had to abandon my application-drop-off-first-impression mission because I kept bleeding through my "outfits". People told me to go to a doctor, but I don't have insurance (failed to realize Starbucks doesn't kick in until 6 months of dedication, or something like that). I'll skip the rest of the yicky details (I think you've had enough already) and tell you that, three days ago - a month and a half AFTER I got this bite - a new spot showed up, about six inches away from the initial point of contact. This one got baaad. So bad Catherine took a picture for me. And, so bad I finally agreed to seek medical attention.

(You can kind of see the darker purple dots, where old bumps have surfaced, and gone back down.) Okay, okay, it's disgusting, I know. But, it is WAY better. As quickly as this one appeared, it dissapeared. I had a some - lovely - chats with my aunt and uncle and they said: "put some tea tree oil on it, give it five days to get better. If it doesn't, go to the doctor". And I'm thankful for that. The oil is helping and the last thing I want to do is pay cash out of pocket for someone to tell me to wait it out and take some benedryl.

I smell like a hippy. Or, as my wonderful boyfriend says: "you smell like dirty old man car". Great.

Karma, karma, karma.

Fresco, being in a GARDEN, has a lot of bug issues. I think I was the only person who didn't actively seek out ways to kill them. Yes, if they were hanging above me at the host stand, or above a table, I would try to gently put them into hiding. I understand that people are afraid of them and don't really want to see them while they're eating. I love the spiders. I understand their place on earth. I tried to save them from Bindy's swinging broom of wrath and hatred. What do I get? I dogdamn infection that has my boyfriend fearing for my life and me bleeding through $210 new jeans. So. Fuck karma. Fuck the spiders. I do not fear them. I just hate them. And they deserve it.

On another note. If you get bit by anything that you think might be a spider, please get yourself to a doctor right away. Please please please. I think my condition is exaggerated because I tend to be overly sensitive to creepy crawly bites. Nonetheless, get yourself checked out. STD's are like a DQ ice cream cake, or baronjager shot - if you will, compared to this mofo.

Now, through all the research I've done, this is the only spider I've come up with that could deal this injury. I'm not convinced, because everyone says it's specific to the SW. And, I think I would have seen something this big and ominous. But, be on the lookout.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown_recluse_spider#Venomous_bite

And, don't treat your neighbors like you want to be treated, just don't bite them with venom, and you'll be fine.